WAY BOTTOM FOR EDIT.

I believe in God. I'll say that much, because it's too depressing to say there isn't.

As Dane Cook once said about atheists, "When you die, nothing happens." That... Yeah. Maybe I'm in denial, but I'm unwilling to accept that because... well, even if it is true, that's depressing. I like to be happy.

But I am deciding, I do not believe anything else. None of it makes sense anymore. Everything is contradictory. God is good. God... lies sometimes.

It took me so long to figure this out, but I feel better now. I don't know about anything else, but... yeah.

For the first time, a few weeks ago, for the first time, I realized, I am going to die. Well, we all are; everyone who was born has the terminal illness called 'life'. Except maybe sparkly vampires, but that's besides the point. I'm going to die. My mom will die one day, just like my grandpa is at the verge of death himself. Then what? Then what? What if I never see them again? Of course, religious people assert, we'll all see eachother in heaven again... but... really? There's so much evidence to the contrary out there.

for the first time, I thought

Everyone dies. I will die. I will cease to exist. I will become nothing.

For the first time, i understood, yeah. People die. Life is limited. And I tried to imagine becoming nothing and... couldn't. Because it was too scary.

So. Being me, and unable to accept what there is so much evidence contrary to, but also unable to accept anything that hurts me, I have decided

I believe in God. I believe in Heaven, and I believe in Hell. Why? Because God decided that he should sort out all his toys into the good pile and the bad pile. And everything else? ... I still don't know.

Agnostic, I think is what you call this.


Haha. I feel like that one religion we're studying in history... Calvinism, I think it was? That people could judge for themselves what was right and wrong? Yeah. I feel better now.



[EDIT]

ACTUALLY, X EVERYTHING I JUST SAID. SCREW IT ALL. I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANY OF IT ANYMORE.
I don't want to think about it. I don't want to assert or deny, say yea or nay. None of it matters to me. I don't care. I don't care anymore. Screw it all.


... Wow, that feels really good...